Breaking the Silence Forever...

"At first, she could not tell anybody. She couldn't even cry. If she cried someone was going to ask her what was wrong with her. But it was a taboo. Something she never thought would happen to her. But it did, and she was asking God why. She thought the pain would go away, but it didn't...instead it just became more excruciating, too much to she kept asking God why. "Why me God???" She would cry when she was alone all at home. When the family got back home, she changed her countenance. She told them how her day went, fabulous of course..."never been better." She dilly-dallied with her parents ~ trying to make light conversation on the dinner table, but she was staring only into the eyes of her mom, because she couldn't stand looking at him ~ the man she called her 'father.'

She grew up. Many months passed, and the months turned into years. Some days she felt like she had forgotten, and then on other nights she would see herself waking up at the middle of the night, and shaking in a puddle of her own sweat. Never had she encountered such fear. In dreams that appeared real, so real that she could smell the stench from that very afternoon. So real that these days she couldn't fill the void inside of her, no matter who she had sex with. No guy could give her love anymore. She didn't "make love," she just had "sex." One night she couldn't take it anymore, so she went to the balcony on the left wing of the house. As soon as she stepped out, she felt a heavy rush of wind...just before she sank down on her knees and began to sob. She started going crazy. "Maybe the winds will carry my voice to God," she thought! So she began screaming from the top of her lungs, "God, why??? Why did MY OWN FATHER rape me?" Her voice was shaking, but she kept screaming..."my very own blood..." she cried...

Tonight, I bring forth the VOICES of many young women who have been raped. It's their voices crying out in the balcony, at the middle of the night. The very stories we've read that have brought us to tears many a time. The very thoughts that anyone can do this to their own flesh and blood, or even to a total stranger who they never saw again...

But WHY?

It's a haunting tragedy, one that can never be forgotten. But today, I want to present the God who saw you that night...His Name is "El Roi"...the God Who SEES... I'll present to you the WORD of God, the WORD that when Jesus spoke to the woman at the well, He said, "whoever drinks of this water, will NEVER thirst again..." So if you're reading this, believe that when you receive the truth of the word of God, you will be completely healed from looking for other sources to satisfy your thirst. I pray that God Himself speaks to you through His word, and that He will answer the very questions you're asking Him right now inside your hearts:

These are His words:

*I allowed it to happen*
"Now there was a day when the sons of God came to present themselves before the Lord, and satan also came among them. And the Lord said to satan, "From where have you come?" So satan answered the Lord and said, "From going to and fro on the earth, and from walking back and forth on it." Job 1:6-7. God then asked satan if he saw how upright Job was, and satan claimed Job was only upright because he was shielded with the love of God. Satan asked God for permission to strip Job off what gave him joy...and God allowed it.
*But if you believe I'm God, then you must believe that the thoughts I have towards you are that of PEACE and not evil*
For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the LORD, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope. Jeremiah 29:11. Your FUTURE is in My hands, that was your past, but what happened in your past is not even a grain of sand compared to the bright future I have written in my Book concerning your FUTURE. Don't let anyone deceive you that you will amount to nothing because of what you've been through. Its a fragment of your past, but there's something waiting for you if you look ahead...
*Just like Job, because of what you've been through, you will be blessed with double of what you had before you lost it. So that all men may see that I AM GOD, and that I can do the impossible. There is such a thing as 'refreshed PURITY' but u just need to make up your mind if you want it. Job was determined to get it back, are you?*
"Now the Lord blessed the latter days of Job more than the beginning; in all the land there were found no women as beautiful as the daughters of Job..."
* I want to use your testimony & your story, to make the mouths of onlookers drop *
"and I will prepare a table before you in the presence of your enemies; I will anoint your head with oil, and your cup will run over, surely...goodness and mercy shall follow you, all the days of your life." Psalm 23
* I want to show you that I have the power to give you PEACE *
"Behold I will extend PEACE to her like a river, and the glory of the gentiles like a flowing one whom his mother comforts, so I will comfort you..." Isaiah 66;12-13.
* That was not the end of the matter, as far as I remain on my throne, there will always be light at the end of your tunnel, for I am the Father of Lights.*
"Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, and comes down from the Father of lights, with whom there is no variation or shadow of turning." James 1:17.
* The end of him who did it to you is destruction, unless they repent and make amends. But it is not up to you to decide their fate, I am Your Father, let me take control of whoever is responsible for this. Remove the burden off your shoulders, their destinies are in My hands, not yours *
" Therefore Sheol (hell) has enlarged itself and opened its mouth beyond measure; Their glory and their multitude and their pomp, and he who is jubilant, shall descend into it." Isaiah 5:14; "Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find REST for your soul. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light." Matthew 11:29-30
* You have to forgive them so that you can truly have life. Forgiveness is really for YOU. Forgiving them will make you free to soar with Me*
"But if you do not forgive men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses." Matthew 6:15
*If you do all I tell you to do, you will begin to DWELL with Me, and I will dry up every tear you ever cried and restore to you your JOY*
"They shall neither hunger anymore nor thirst anymore...for the Lamb Who is in the midst of the throne will shepherd them and lead them to living fountains of waters. And God will wipe away every tear from their eyes." Revelation 7:16-17; "You have turned my mourning into dancing," Psalm 30:11
* I want to teach you to LOVE again, and that the true meaning of LOVE is God *
“When I passed by you again and looked upon you, indeed your time was the time of love; so I spread My wing over you and covered your nakedness. Yes, I swore an oath to you and entered into a covenant with you, and you became Mine,” says the Lord GOD." Ezekiel 16:8
***It is time to break YOUR silence forever,
it is time for a is time to
take back what was stolen from you
your love, your joy, & your happiness***


Olubern said...

Wow! This is deep. There is a lot of people out there that needs to hear this!

Nilla said...

This is absolutely intense.
And I agree with Bernard, there are lots of people that have to read this. And I pray they find their way here and read it.

As always, you're a blessing.

Have a wonderful week!

Naijadude said...

Hmm...that is intense, thanks for giving hope and trust. Thanks for shedding the light on the issue and give ppl a lil bit to be confident about, to be able to let it out to God and let go! I know He is the God that never leave nor forsake His own ppl.

Have a great week!!

DiAmOnD hawk said...

I love the break down of this... I pray the people who need such a word in their life are led to this and are blessed/renewed by it. God bless you!!!!!!!

LondonBuki said...

Hi... I saw your comment on my blog - Thank you...

My email address is buki_blogger'at'

As for this post, it is beautifully written... I wish you could write everyday...

Uzo said...

Okay, i will confess that i havent read the post - i will go and do that now but i wish to shamelessly plu Naija Blogger Bachelor that has premiered on my blog today. So check it out and be sure to vote....

The Life of a Stranger called me said...

There are many here on blogger who need needs this word and its definately a word in season. I pray that it falls on rich and fertile soil and that no deaf ear will be turned to it in Jesus Name. Amen. Lord prepare the hearts and minds of those who read this word, and let not just be another good sermon, but a sermon that will mark a great change in their life in Jesus Name Amen.

Have a blessed week.

Jennifer A. said...

@ London buki...I just saw the email not too long ago, I'll send u a message later on tonight, but "American time" though...lollll...(yippee)..

@ everyone...this was really on my heart (I guess God placed it there), so I know someone out there needs to know...that God's eyes were watching, and that somehow...He has a PLAN. It is God's idea that this was to be written...

Vera Ezimora said...

Jaycee, you have got to stop making me cry with these posts of urs. This shuld be illegal!

So heart-touching, so wonderfully true and so real. All I can do is put my faith in Him.

p.s. I was not raped or anything like that, but there are times when I scream WHY ME??? I just don't understand why certain things happen.

Jennifer A. said...

@ is well darlingggg...(smiling)...

The moments I asked God that question "why me?" (concerning certain things), He told me it's because I am destined to be great. Everyone who has a great destiny (like urself) will be met with obstacles. But it's not everyone that can overcome these things, but when u realize u're made for somn great and u start putting ur faith in God (am I descrbing u yet??? YES), then u'll OVERCOME ALL HUDDLES!!! So lets watch and see...


Perfectly Human said...

I'm taking it back! Jaycee a girl after God's heart...u always manage to reach inside and bring out hope in me and i'm guessing many others. Keep it up!

Naija Vixen said...

Gosh,this was mighty intense!Amen to the prayer and may God help all those who need this word the most...great one Jaycee!

Anonymous said...

My heart cried after reading this. the painful part isnt that i had been thru something similar...but that in this story she tried to heal herslef by using sex!!! i did the exact same thing and nobody understood y. my family members thot i was lieing about the whole thing and that if i was telling the truth, my reaction would be to stay away from men and sex and all that. Glad to know i wasnt crazy...but more glad to know that i am deeply blessed...and that the vicious circle is over. for the first time in my concious adult life, i am bulding a relationship with God and in turn finding myself and my much as the past hurts and i struggle to let it go, i know i have a boundless future...and most of all, i am finally learning to recieve love.

Jennifer A. said...

@ anonymous...let's watch and see how GREAT u're going to be in the nearest future...then u'll realize why the devil tried to create a HOLE in ur life by causing that to happen to u...U ARE TRULY BLESSED. The moment you decided to be HEALED completely was the very moment God Himself decided to come into your temple (your BODY) once again, and purify you for the second time...

Believe it or not...there's something called a 'second virginity,' a time that you can truly say u're cleansed and u're pure. For the WORD of God which I saw with my own two eyes said (and I quote), "For a man shall become a new creation, and old things shall pass away and all things shall become BRAND NEW."

Believe that you've been made new, and when you keep seeking God's face in every area of your'll see...the bible records that your latter days shall be better than your former

~Cheers to a great end to ur story~

Biodun said...

Iwo omo yi(you this girl) u r highly favored n blessed. I am forever blessed when I visit ur blog. I hope this helps a person or two. Na true talk u lay down o. I hope 2 meet u someday, n just sit, listen n learn n hopefully rub off on some wisdom, lol.

Anonymous said...

your blog is a blessing. you have an annointing on your life.

Anonymous said...

Not only are you a virtuoso with words (wordsmith), but also, you are annointed. You really are.

A lot of people will be blessed by what you wrote/what you are writing.

And you know the great thing about this: YOU DON'T CONDEMN. You are using your God-given talents, skills and insights to encourage people and show them that there is hope.

You are going places! God will continue to fine-tune what he has given you.

Interestingly, my pastor, Bishop T.D Jakes, addressed 'similar' issues on Wednesday. He talked about root causes linked with spending habits e.t.c.

I just started reading your blog lately and I admit that it is a great read. God bless you and grant you wisdom and understanding in medical school.

Anonymous said...

I just want to let you know that I have been blessed by the words that you wrote and I thank you for this.

Several years ago, my family and I were victims of a home invasion and two of the men who robbed us took me into a room and raped me. I was numb most of the time it was being done and I closed my eyes and tried to be somewhere else. For victims of rape it is not the actual crime that can turn your life around but what happens to you afterwards that can determine the course of your life...for me it was not pleasant. After the robbers had left, I told my mom and my siblings what had happened...some of them had already guessed in all the chaos that that was what was being done. Later when the neighbors came to help us out, my mom said that they should help her to thank the Lord because the robbers had tried to rape her and when they saw that she was on her period they had left her alone. One of the neighbors was bold enough to ask sympathetically that he hoped that they did not try it with anyone else. Everyone who had been in the room prior to the neighbor's arrival - mom and siblings knew that I had been raped not quite an hour ago. No one said was all hush hush...Later, I was warned very severely, not to let anyone know what happened to me and given dettol to cleanse myself. Clandestinely we visited a doctor at LUTH who did a series of tests over a period of time to make sure that I was not HIV-infected. Thankfully, my period came the day after I was raped and I had never been more glad to see it - I saw it as a cleanser to clean out any impurities that were in me.

For years, I kept my secret to myself - no one in the household sympathized or anything, rather I was often treated like a fact the day after my rape there was a minor incident that occured which resulted in me received two dirty slaps from my mother for something very unneccesary, I often felt as if I had brought it on myself...perhaps I should have fought the men that raped me, if the robbery had occured the day after I may have been on my period and then they would have left me like they did my mom.
I think it is important that rape victims get help right away... no one should have to go through the mental torture that I went through. It is not pleasant. The only thing that did not keep me going crazy was that I knew that God had made me for a special purpose and that craziness was not one of the things that He had created me for. I may sound strong but there have been times when I was so low that I would have wanted to end it all, but then there was always something that would bring me back to life again.
I have found my peace within myself and somehow managed to forgive my mom and the other members of my family for the intense betrayal that I felt when it happened...I don't think it is possible for someone to be so alone in a house full of people... there would be parties and gatherings and everyone including myself would get all dressed up and all I would do is see someone who looked like one of the men who raped me and I would almost go crazy...but you know all you need to do is call on the Lord and He is waiting with open arms. I would say a silent prayer in the midst of whatever it was, and feel immediate peace which passes all understanding.

I think my family - who are all Christians and churchgoers were ill-equipped to handle a situation like mine. And the thought of going to see a therapist or a counselor was something no one ever considered because of the shame. Let's keep it quiet and not talk about it and it will go away. I still continued to sleep in the room I was raped in even though I would have nightmares almost every night...I cried tears of joy the day I moved out of that house and I have never been back and I don't miss it.

My motto continues to be that what does not kill you only makes you stronger and I know that I am getting stronger everyday and reading your post just made me a little more stronger.

Thanks again

Sele Akobo(curvyice) said...

hey jaycee, once again you have let GOD use you to bring healing to people who needed to hear this. thanks a lot.
@ the anon above me,GOD sure does have a plan for your life he reason he did not let u end it on them nites when u felt so all alone in a house full of peeps, he sure knows your weaknesses and will make them strengths. thanks for sharing your story cos there are lotta people out there that still live in denial that such stuff never happens. and thank goodness for the society most of us grew up in(sarcasm) that make it seem like when stuff happens to us it was our fault. it is well. your are beautiful and no matter what hurt was done to u, GOD luvs u and thats what matters most. give urself the opportunity to be loved cos someone out there have been created specially by GOD to make ur past a blur. and like Jaycee said, your latter will be better than your former(its scriptures)......
grace and peace.

Jennifer A. said...

@ were made for a very special purpose (destined for "GREATNESS") ~ so the devil tried to steal ur greatness away, but what almost brings tears to my eyes is that you recognized greatness, and you didn't let it forgave everyone and now u're looking towards a GREAT future...

@ curvy...I thank God so much. He's as real as bread and butter (lol)...when God returns your captivity (joy, laughter, etc)'ll feel as though you can actually TOUCH Him...

Hope u guys are having the best weekend ever, I'm actually studying so I haven't blogged in a while...hoping for a nice come back soon...

Bella Naija said...

Thank you for your post.
These issues need to be aired out! I also love the eloquent manner in which you presented it.
@anonymous, God bless you. It is sad that your family did not know how you handle the sitauion. God healeth the weak and the violated.
He is there for you.

Thanks Jaycee

Anonymous said...

it is true what they say that when you shine you unknowingly give others a right to shine too. I guess i just want to say thank Jaycee for a very well written blog about an issue so brutally important especially in our naiga culture, to others for their true stories and to God...for his infinate grace, wisdom and space...for giving us free will and for his impeccable timing. I always knew i was molested...and the thot i wasnt a virgin trully pained me to the extent i always kinda looked down at myself or reminisced about my life with some sort of shame. Details are not important but i knw it happned when i was very young. i went thru my teenage years knowing this and keeping it to myself mostly cause i was trying to pretend it never happened. anyways in many ways, when i eventually came to terms with what had happened, i was torn and heart broken and ashamed. did i bring it upon myself?? was i a certain kind of child to attract such inappropriate behavior? funny enough, it happened with a man whom my family members jokingly called my husband. i knew they never knew what they were saying. anyway when i eventually mustered up the courage to tell my mum (i was about 15 now), i interrupted her lunch, asked my brother to leave and with tear filled eyes and with a shakky voice, i told her everything. i almost felt relieved until she looked at me and said "what do u want me to do about it?" "i will tell ur father when he gets home." and that was it. that was all i got from her. as promised, she did tell my this time, i was already deeply regreting ever opening my felt like i was bringing up unnecessary issues in our house. anyways my dad attempts to ask me questions abt what happened and all...being who i am, i was barely coherent and crying uncontrollably by now. eventually he kinda stops me from talking and says "i am going to investigate all these things u are saying and i will find the man" "but, you read a lot of books so i think u might have just read all this in a book and somehow believed it happened to you". he thot i was bo-bo gisting...needless to say i was crushed. to add salt to injury, i was sexually active at the time, and he know abt this so he adds "plus, if u were really 'raped' you would never want any man to touch u again but u r having sex so i think u r lieing". ok...that moment was the official end to any conversations between my parents and i about anything except school fees and GPA. i resented them, i hated them, and in my head i was in even more shame than when i was the only one that knew about it. i just thank God for my life because my state of mind at that time was incredibly screwed up. i felt isolated and kept trying to find acceptance in the arms of small boys (who had their own agenda in mind). to cut my very long story short, i thot i was over the pain of all that until i read jaycee's blog. For the first time, i was hearing someone else's story and God's response thru his word to everything i had been thru and put myself thru. I've cried about this issue for the LAST time in my life. Before, i remebered it with soo much pain and shame and felt like i always had to remind myself of who i am because of it. Honestly, God's timing is perfect and things just start happening when u let Go and let God. I've let go of all my pain, i've forgiven my parents and i can tell them i love and appreciate them now regardless of whatever. For the first time, My past has STOPPED to define me. and most of all, I have forgiven myself and let go of every foolish notion that i can go back and change the way things happened. The peace of God trully surpasses all understanding and i pray it continues to reign supreme in all our lives regardless of our life story. AMEN.

Once again: Thank you Jaycee!!!

Jennifer A. said...

@ anonymous...u know what? You said all I could ever dream of saying when you said, "it is the PEACE of God that passes all human understanding."

When people see that u've overcome, they won't understand how u suddenly leaped over a wall that seemed so high...but you'll know inside you, that if not for GOD...where would u be?

He's the One that led you here

Allied said...


I pray God continue to give you wisdom. This word is like a double edged sword. It never comes back void.

Many need this.

The poets voice ~~~ said...

hey Jaycee, i thank God for u...
i always wonda why God let somethings i undastand it more..thanx for breaking it down

i know that pain can be easily be forgotten but sometimes what if the ain is just too great..
so @ anonymous..there's no pain too great for God..
your destiny is gonna be great.
God bless u.

Unknown said...

this happened to me
it was not my dad

i don't feel anything
but i no longer feel o hopeless
i am saved now though
and growing everyday

someday soon, i will give my testimony
and it will be a big one.

Jennifer A. said...

Tisha, I am sooo proud of you. Let me be the first to give you a standing ovation even as you plan to give a testimony that will change the stories of others out there :)

Ekene said...

I know I am posting a comment on this years after, but the words still need to be said.
Thank you. While I can't say that I went through what was depicted, I have had my fair share of pain and betrayal. And yes, sometimes it is hard not to ask why me. Yet I know it is all part of a larger plan for my good. And I have learned to lean into the word of God, even when I cry from the pain of life.

It is well with my soul. Today. God has done it for me, yes, he has made a way, it is well with my soul today.

Thanks Jaycee...for sharing. For caring. For continuing to shine your light. God bless.

TO said...

Thank you so much for posting this...this is years after and it has God all over it

I will send this to some folks I know and I pray it does wonders in their lives. Thank you