My problem has never been the attraction. They get attracted to me everywhere I go, swarms and swarms of them, like bees being released from the hive for the first time. This is how it works: he spots me in a crowd of people, stares at me for a while, usually between five to thirty minutes, and then he starts to make his way towards me. He gets a few bumps here and there because his eyes are on me and he's not watching his steps carefully. Sometimes he gets yelled at, but he still keeps coming. I observe all these from the corner of my dark eyes.
But in Nathaniel's case there were only a few similarities to previous occurrences. Almost everything in the first paragraph happened in the same way, except that this time I was the one who made my way towards him. It just seemed like the right thing to do, unless my brain was lying to me or I wasn't in tune with my sixth sense. I wanted it. I wanted it badly. So I began to walk towards him, without watching my steps too closely. He was sitting alone, as if waiting for something like this to happen.
"Hello, I'm Ruth. Mind if I join you?"
He looked up at me for a few seconds without blinking his long eyelashes, and finally gestured for me to have a seat. It was the beginning of a new romance. I found out that he worked in the building next to mine and apparently we had been eating at the same restaurant for lunch for the past two years without knowing. We were like night and day but we matched just fine. But I never opened myself up to him. Each day we took a walk in the park he would tell me all about his childhood days, how Ian bullied him and threw him in a thrash can once, or how his papa was addicted to his pipe. But I wouldn't say nothing about myself apart from the fact that I enjoyed the dinner we had together the other night. I just couldn't bring myself to say such things...I couldn't fall deeper. I was too afraid.
Afraid of getting hurt again.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * *
I was inspired to write this because I feel that many of us need to fall deeper in LOVE with GOD. Yes God, not man. Romance is a part of our lives, but there's an even higher calling to LOVE and WORSHIP God.
In the book of 2 Kings chapter 4, a certain woman cried out to Elisha to help her. She was a widow and her husband's debtors were on their way to her house. She didn't know what to do. Elisha asked her what she had in her house and her response was, "only a jar of oil." Then he sent her to borrow as many jars as she could, from neighbors...or even anyone she could find. But he warned her not to find "a few" but "a lot."
That was a test to see how DEEP she could go. She found quite a number of jars, but as Elisha filled the last jar with oil he asked her for another jar and she said that was the last one. That was when the oil CEASED. As many jars as she could find were miraculously filled with oil and she was able to sell it and pay all the debtors. But guess what? If she had found one more jar she would have made even more profit.
How deep are you willing to fall in love with God? Are you willing to see Him higher than everything you have right now? Are you willing to reveal the entirety of your heart and let Him in where you've never let anyone? Do you think you can consider that He's the most important embodiment in this life? The most important treasure? Can you fall deeply in love with Him? Can you worship Him in a deeper way in 2010 and even with your whole being?
To love someone usually means opening up yourself to them. To marry someone means that this person will become one flesh with you and be your best friend, and then even your family will become second after him or her. To go deeper with God means that you will stretch yourself more than you've ever done to seek His face and FIND His love. Many times the reason we don't find His love is because we're afraid to fall deeper...to get extra jars of oil.
You can CHOOSE to fall DEEPER...you can CHOOSE to do things differently and LOVE deeper than you've ever loved before.
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